Beauty for Ashes

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I was dancing to praise and worship music in my kitchen.  My two-year-old son stood right next to me.  I picked him up and started dancing with him.  I recalled a time when I wasn’t energetic and didn’t have enough strength to lift him or dance, let alone do both.  My heart was full of thankfulness to be cuddling with my boy. 

My mind went to a time when depression was something I battled constantly.  At times it was intense.  Almost tangible, like I could touch it.  Although it wasn’t a pleasant touch.  More like a boulder rushing toward me like a freight train. I was on antidepressants for years.  They helped  but I was embarrassed to be a christian taking antidepressants.  It’s something I didn’t like to share with people but I learned not to be ashamed. Sometimes there is a medical reason to take it and you should not be ashamed in any way.        

This battle with depression drew me closer to the Lord.  I’ve known the Lord since I was a child and I knew the only place I could find hope and peace is in Christ.  So I would cry out to Him.  It was like the book of Psalms in how the Psalmist often talks about his downcast soul, yet at the end gives praise to the Lord.  That’s been me. 

The Lord has been faithful through the years to lead me out of dark places. Through biblical teachings, life lessons and most of all through being convinced of His AMAZING, unending love He’s brought me out of depression.  So much so, that a few months ago I stopped taking my antidepressants.  I still have struggles from time to time but nothing like what I’ve had.

 So I’m in my kitchen with my little boy, dancing to worship music and singing with a heart truly full of joy.  Between giving me physical strength and health to putting a new song in my heart that keeps growing stronger, this moment was a treasure to me. He truly does give beauty for ashes, strength for tears, and turn our sorrows into dancing. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness.

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